Hello, guys. I don’t know if you reading this or not, but I just want to say something that I just realized these days that I just have to:
I’M DEEPLY SORRY.
Yes, I finally said that. Maybe some of you don’t understand or the reason why I do this, but I’m saying to all of you whose hearts have been irritated or hurt due to all my “bitchiness” after three years we have been together. Yes, you, 2014 Eng Dept students.
I know I’ve never been a good classmate to all of you. I was too serious, rigid, and nerd most of the time. Sometimes, I did face threatening act to you (unconsciously and consciously). I asked too much question in the class. Or maybe some of you think that I’m too active in the class in order to get an A every time.
Some of them maybe true, but, honestly, like.. REALLY honestly, I didn’t mean to hurt you, or to make you hate me because basically, I’m annoying. I was born to be annoying, I think, because since I was in elementary school I was often perceived like that. Because of my stern face actually. However, I try to develop my social skill, every time. Every stage of my education, I did make improvements.
But the matter is, no one ever knows how I’ve been struggled to be “social” and “accepted” among my friends.
I have had so many rivals since I was in elementary school. I don’t know why, but they basically just hate me naturally. Worst, my family ever get evicted only because I get the first rank in school, and our landlord’s niece who was in the same class with me, only get the 3rd place. The world has been cruel to me since I was 6 years old. It’s not because I want you to pity me or something. IT’S DEFINITELY NOT.
I hope you may understand my nature of annoyingness since I was childhood which creates so many envy and hate, even to my parents.
I just want to say that I need more time than other people to adapt and behave in order to be “accepted” by you, my friends. And lately, it seems that you’ve been so nice to me. Your eyes didn’t give such hate anymore. You seemed to welcome me friendly in the canteen, in the class, even when I asked something in class you didn’t make that stare again. That stare which made me in a frustration period in certain terms back then. The sad thing is when I’m active in the class and you judge me for being “Cari Muka” to our lecturer, but the real fact is I JUST WENT TOO CURIOUS.
I was too curious and so active in the class until I forgot that there were so many of you i the class.
Since I was high school, I’ve been known to be the dominant girl, and I’ve been trying to reduce that. Nevertheless, it’s just too hard. Therefore, I can’t control it even in the class. I just realized that you also may want to ask or to express your ideas but you didn’t get the chance cause I raised by hand early.
It must be suck:
having a classmate like me.
So, once again:
I’M DEEPLY SORRY, MY FRIEND(s),imperfect
for being an imperfect classmate.