Midnight Venting

These are those days when my self-esteem falls down as usual in my life pattern.

It is always like this.

I lost my passion. I lost my grip to write again. I lost..myself and the dream within it.

It is the time when I really need someone to hear my vent. My uneasiness. My worriness. My anger. My sadness. Even.. a lil bit happiness from watching some Korean drama episodes. Now, it takes only 2 minutes to 2 a.m. And I miss myself.

When I was busy with activities and my college routines I longed for holiday. To rest myself. To take time for writing any piece that I want to write.However, it was not as I expected back then. Things turned out to be messed. I turned to be messed up. 

People would argue that being an extrovert is such a gift. For some reasons, it does make sense, but I always hate when I’m at my low phase like this. You know, being an extrovert means that your passion and spirit depend on somebdy else. In other words, you need people to encourage you. And when some people misunderstand you or look you down, you started to blame yourself. You started to feel that everything you have struggled on is just a waste. Then you feel just like a waste. Foolishly, you know that those people who look you down are not important to you and mere acquaintances. That’s what I hate the most due to my extroverts.

Now, I began to realize that my youth times are getting deceased. Oh yes, I know I’m still in my early 20s, but things get complicated as I grow up. It’s just I’ve never felt enough. I always want to pursue something, but then I broke myself. I am out of oder. Kaputt!

After all this time, I have known myself as a strong girl, but it turns out that I am a crooked girl. Something wrong with my body, and it inhibits me from doing a lot of work. It makes me de-ambitious. So, what should I do, now?

Finding the lost ones is not easy.


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