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Tentang arifadnil

Agen Neptunus kecil yang candu akan segelas teh susu. Hobinya menulis dan menonton film. Punya misi rahasia dari Neptunus untuk mengubah dunia.

Perang Jari

Kini tengah musim perang jari
Ketak ketik sana sini
menghujan ribuan opini

tadi aku intip lagi lini terkini
saling hujat sana sini
demi eksistensi diri

Aku pikir ada di abad canggih
tenyata manusianya masih senang membuat risih!

 

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Debat Martabak

Sore itu kita berteriak sampai serak

di pelataran jalan ketika menunggu martabak masak

mungkin kala itu adalah adegan kocak

hingga aku ingin terbahak

sampai sesak

 

percakapan bahasa Inggris kita jadi tontonan anak-anak

mereka megap-megap sambil mendongak

 

di antara sengitnya kita berdebat

entah kenapa hatiku semarak

walau ku terduduk di kursi belakang, dalam diam

hatiku mencak-mencak!

 

N.B: Tolonglah berhenti jadi Dilanku yang baru.

Aku mungkin bukan Milea, tapi satu Dilan saja sudah cukup buatku sendu.

Dari Agen Kecil Untuk Kugy Karmachameleon

Hai, Kugy.
Aku rindu kamu, laut, Neptunus, atau suara ombak yang merdu. Kapan kita bertemu?
Sudah lama rasanya dan aku ingin jadi agen lagi. Seperti biasa, Neptunus sedang memainkan hati kami lagi. Dan rasanya sikulus itu terus terjadi.

Aku tidak tahu, Gy. Apakah ini siklus yang sama, mirip, atau bahkan beda sama sekali. Yang aku tahu, aku ingin lari ke Timbuktu supaya semuanya jadi salju atau mungkin ke Pulau Seribu supaya jadi buih yang berdebur

Kugy,

Sebenarnya aku tahu, kau bukanlah Kugy. Kau hanyalah kreasi dari otak jenius Dewi Lestari dan menamakanmu ‘Kugy’. Tapi aku rindu! Aku rindu dengan kisahmu dan Keenan yang memiliki ratusan siklus yang manusiawi tapi ngilu di hati.

Lalu di mana aku sekarang? Pertanyaan itu menggedor-gedor kepala sampai pitak walau tak nampak.

 

“Aku sudah di depan pintu,” katamu

pagi-pagi sekali aku
meleleh bersama doa di hari Rabu
bertanya mengapa dilahirkan hidup oleh Ibu
lalu kau tiba-tiba sudah ada di depan pintu
mengetuk lewat jari-jarimu

Aku sudah berjanji untuk kembalikan buku
Niatnya ada satu cerita yang ingin ku katakan padamu;
namun setelah kita bertemu, senduku hanya sambil lalu
aku pun tidak tahu mengapa begitu
senyum-senyum menyusul, tak jadi ceritaku

Namun, puisiku seperti baru.

​pagi ini aku lihat pamflet 

seorang ayah hilang

kabarnya beliau alzheimer ringan

ratusan komentar mulai bertebaran

tanya dan jawab bersahutan

tapi aku satu-satunya yang bilang:

Aku juga ingin Ayah hilang dan tak pernah pulang.
A|A

Be Yourself Myth

“Just be yourself!”

We’ve heard that often, right? People sometimes keep telling us to be ourselves and not worry about other’s perception. They say to be the real ourselves to be successful or to be someone who is–let’s say–original. However, is that possible to be ourselves?

Do people allow us to do so? Do we allow ourselves to do so?

In fact, as humans we have norms as our social control. This fact leads that we cannot be anything we like in this world. Yes, because we are within the social system. Well, if you live inside the jungle alone only with the animals, you have to follow their rules.

In our life, we have been led by our surroundings to these that. For example, when we decide to take major in schools and universities, we are supported by our parents or friends. Ah, I knew. Some of you think that your decision is based on your willing, but still, those are influenced by your social life and your habits. What makes you have personal habits? Yup, your environment again.

When I was a teen, I believe in that “Be Yourself” myth. I struggled to be myself because I want to be a unique person unlike anybody else. But yeah, just like my previous post before about a quote in Despicable Me 3, “Sometimes in life, you want a unicorn, but you got a goat instead.” When I was in school, I tried to be someone just like I want. You know, being an A student  and sometimes a teacher’s pet. I don’t really like to hang out either. I spent my time with writing poems and fictions or reading books. I became a nerd who is not likrable by others. Even until now, I’m still that nerd who keeps being hated by her classmates. People called me “Ambis” as I was labelled ambitious by my friends. Then I started to hate myself for being “by myself” just like people told me.

You know, sometimes that “be yourself” thing is just a myth as a defense mechanism for some people who are very very strived to reach their dreams. 

In fact, by being ourselves, we have to risk ourselves to be hated by others, even by our closest people just like family and friends. AND, I feel that there is a time who urge me to be somebody else rather than be myself. You know why? Because it seems safer to be somebody else rather than BE OURSELVES.

This identity issue started to raise again in my fourth college year. I want to end my college life by doing anything I want first. I hate to finish my study early than others, but the reality demands me to finish my study early. 

You know, life is always like number 8. It has ‘curly’ side that seems too hard to go through. It has crossing path where we have to choose to be someone that represent ourselves the most and someone that we barely even knew.

At this point, I felt the universe gambles with us. Whether we are stronger than he was expected, or he was right.  (?)

The question mark still remain in my mind.