On How I Envy My 14-year-old-self

At the age almost 24, there is one thing I’m still afraid of. That is a commitment. Commitment in maintaining relationship to be precise.

Something happened to my family when I was 4 year old. Unfortunately, it still has certain impacts to me up until now. I was afraid the idea of marriage, well I am though. The idea of loving someone and living with them for half of your life is just scary. Of course, people say there are ups and downs in marriage, and some people thought those made people grow up as adults and know their partner deeper. But, my 23-year-old-ass couldn’t comprehend this idea. How could a person commits to another individual who’s basically a stranger? The idea of loving someone for that long is appalling.

However, when I was 14 I wasn’t afraid of the idea to love someone sincerely. I don’t know what things could be categorized as love, yet I was dedicated to a boy who didn’t even know me for the whole 2-3 years.