Arsip Kategori: kontemplasi

Be Yourself Myth

“Just be yourself!”

We’ve heard that often, right? People sometimes keep telling us to be ourselves and not worry about other’s perception. They say to be the real ourselves to be successful or to be someone who is–let’s say–original. However, is that possible to be ourselves?

Do people allow us to do so? Do we allow ourselves to do so?

In fact, as humans we have norms as our social control. This fact leads that we cannot be anything we like in this world. Yes, because we are within the social system. Well, if you live inside the jungle alone only with the animals, you have to follow their rules.

In our life, we have been led by our surroundings to these that. For example, when we decide to take major in schools and universities, we are supported by our parents or friends. Ah, I knew. Some of you think that your decision is based on your willing, but still, those are influenced by your social life and your habits. What makes you have personal habits? Yup, your environment again.

When I was a teen, I believe in that “Be Yourself” myth. I struggled to be myself because I want to be a unique person unlike anybody else. But yeah, just like my previous post before about a quote in Despicable Me 3, “Sometimes in life, you want a unicorn, but you got a goat instead.” When I was in school, I tried to be someone just like I want. You know, being an A student  and sometimes a teacher’s pet. I don’t really like to hang out either. I spent my time with writing poems and fictions or reading books. I became a nerd who is not likrable by others. Even until now, I’m still that nerd who keeps being hated by her classmates. People called me “Ambis” as I was labelled ambitious by my friends. Then I started to hate myself for being “by myself” just like people told me.

You know, sometimes that “be yourself” thing is just a myth as a defense mechanism for some people who are very very strived to reach their dreams. 

In fact, by being ourselves, we have to risk ourselves to be hated by others, even by our closest people just like family and friends. AND, I feel that there is a time who urge me to be somebody else rather than be myself. You know why? Because it seems safer to be somebody else rather than BE OURSELVES.

This identity issue started to raise again in my fourth college year. I want to end my college life by doing anything I want first. I hate to finish my study early than others, but the reality demands me to finish my study early. 

You know, life is always like number 8. It has ‘curly’ side that seems too hard to go through. It has crossing path where we have to choose to be someone that represent ourselves the most and someone that we barely even knew.

At this point, I felt the universe gambles with us. Whether we are stronger than he was expected, or he was right.  (?)

The question mark still remain in my mind.


Despicable Me 3 dan Pesan Tersembunyi

Kemarin saya menonton film Despicable Me 3. Saya termasuk salah satu orang yang sangat menunggu-menunggu film ini sejak tahun lalu. Sebelum film ini rilis, saya sudah menonton trailernya dan sangat berharap banyak dari film ini. Daan…

film ini dibawah ekspektasi saya. Saya berharap film ini akan lebih seru dan lucu daripada seri-seri sebelumnya. Namun, saya pikir saya telah overrated film Despicable Me 3 ini. Lanjutkan membaca Despicable Me 3 dan Pesan Tersembunyi

Midnight Venting

These are those days when my self-esteem falls down as usual in my life pattern.

It is always like this.

I lost my passion. I lost my grip to write again. I lost..myself and the dream within it.

It is the time when I really need someone to hear my vent. My uneasiness. My worriness. My anger. My sadness. Even.. a lil bit happiness from watching some Korean drama episodes. Now, it takes only 2 minutes to 2 a.m. And I miss myself.

When I was busy with activities and my college routines I longed for holiday. To rest myself. To take time for writing any piece that I want to write.However, it was not as I expected back then. Things turned out to be messed. I turned to be messed up.  Lanjutkan membaca Midnight Venting

Who am I gonna be?

There is one thing ruining my mind these days. One thing makes my heart uneasy:

My future dream.

Who am I gonna be?

Is it lost? Where is it?


I keep asking for myself of what will I do in the future after I graduate from my undergraduate school. It is a bit confusing. Nah.

It is absolutely confusing!

Well, I am in my third year now—starting the final year actually—and I could’ve tried to graduate in the next term, but I decided to take 4-year-course. Is it sound stupid? At the first time, I thought so, but I realized that the matter is not about graduating sooner. Then, the question appears again:

Who am I gonna be?

Hmm.. I’m not exactly sure. I can be a teacher, I think. Besides, I am quite capable of it since I’ve attended several teaching training. But there is something missing in me when I’m thinking to be a teacher.

I want to produce something. A piece. A Literary work probably. But creating a piece is not easy as I’ve thought before. Producing a piece of work needs a period of time which is not short. Writing is a process. Writing needs so many revisions even for those famous author who are already experts.

On the one hand, I want to help people: by being a teacher. On the other hand, I want to create my workpiece: by being an author. Is there any possibilities of doing that?

Kepada seseorang yang entah dimana sedang duduknya, berdirinya, atau tidurnya

Teruntuk Calon Imam-ku,

Kepada seseorang yang entah dimana sedang duduknya, berdirinya, atau tidurnya. Aku tahu, atau mungkin aku sok tahu, tapi kita pasti bertemu ketika dimensi waktu sudah setuju mempertemukan kita.

Malam ini aku baru selesai menonton film Sabtu Bersama Bapak. Aku belum baca novelnya sehingga aku tidak tahu apa filmnya memang menyampaikan isi noverlnya tapi yang jelas ada beberapa pelajaran yang dapat aku ambil, yaitu sesuatu mengenai..

Pernikahan. Lanjutkan membaca Kepada seseorang yang entah dimana sedang duduknya, berdirinya, atau tidurnya

Untuk Adikku


malam ini apakah kamu sudah mengerjakan PR?

apakah kamu ada ujian besok?

apakah kamu bahagia dengan dunia sekolah barumu?

Aku bisa berkata pada “adik-adik”ku lain untuk rajin belajar, tapi mengucapkannya padamu rasanya tak pernah.


apa kau mulai suka dengan anak perempuan?


apa kau mulai nakal untuk mengetahui sesuatu yang seharusnya kamu simpan untuk nanti? Lanjutkan membaca Untuk Adikku


Ada saat dimana aku merasa gagap. Merasa bodoh. Merasa payah.

Semua orang pasti pernah.

Mungkin aku selalu merasa bisa. Narsistik kah?

Ah, entahlah.

Ketika aku merasa payah, segeralah aku maki diri. Padahal tidak perlu—

Rasanya pandanganku atas kesempurnaan dan segala sesuatu yang ideal sudah melampaui garis, lalu..

akhirnya ku mati kutu



Ah, tuhkan!

Aku harus banyak belajar—