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Who am I gonna be?

There is one thing ruining my mind these days. One thing makes my heart uneasy:

My future dream.

Who am I gonna be?

Is it lost? Where is it?

 

I keep asking for myself of what will I do in the future after I graduate from my undergraduate school. It is a bit confusing. Nah.

It is absolutely confusing!

Well, I am in my third year now—starting the final year actually—and I could’ve tried to graduate in the next term, but I decided to take 4-year-course. Is it sound stupid? At the first time, I thought so, but I realized that the matter is not about graduating sooner. Then, the question appears again:

Who am I gonna be?

Hmm.. I’m not exactly sure. I can be a teacher, I think. Besides, I am quite capable of it since I’ve attended several teaching training. But there is something missing in me when I’m thinking to be a teacher.

I want to produce something. A piece. A Literary work probably. But creating a piece is not easy as I’ve thought before. Producing a piece of work needs a period of time which is not short. Writing is a process. Writing needs so many revisions even for those famous author who are already experts.

On the one hand, I want to help people: by being a teacher. On the other hand, I want to create my workpiece: by being an author. Is there any possibilities of doing that?

Apa Itu Aku? (Inspired by MRP)

seonggok daging berumur seperlima abad

dalam balutan epidermi yang bertanya

tentang eksistensi diri sang keparat—menyusup di

antara nadi yang bersilangan hingga

ke pati

 

apa?

apa itu aku?

ku tusuk-tusuktanya itu hingga

darah mengucur turun mengusik sinapsis saraf di sela

hasta dan karpal

 

molekul-molekul itu, mungkin hemoglobin

atau buku sketsa, sepeda, abakus canggih, dan warna hitam

 

Ah, itu aku.

Jawaban

“Jadi mau ngelantur sampai kapan ini?”

Ketika kau tanya begitu, sebenarnya aku ingin bilang, “Sampai bumi berhenti berputar!”

Hanya saja, aku tahu diri, bahwa jawaban “Kan tadi udah penutupan.” itu yang terbaik.

 

Ku maki lagi diri.

Sebal.