Detached

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(written in March 2023)

Dmaj7 E C#m Dmaj7
Those old shoes have been so worn out
Time to choose a brand new right now
Don’t linger what has been your past
Once you learn those laces untied

Dmaj7 A Dmaj Bm
Have you been walking this far?
Only to break your own heart
Have you tried to change your path
Beautiful roads lie ahead

Dmaj7 E C#m Dmaj7
Those old shoes have been so worn out
Time to choose a brand new right now
Don’t linger what has been your past
Once you learn those laces untied

Dmaj7 A Dmaj Bm
Let’s dance now, moving on
With new shoes lead me on
Step out of my dark zone
Cross over to the sun
No need to hesitant
Your happiest moment
Soon to be discovered
Once we end this song (2x)

Dmaj7 E C#m Dmaj7
Those old shoes have been so worn out
Time to choose a brand new right now
Don’t linger what has been your past
Once you learn those laces untied

Ashfall (Lyrics)

kontemplasi, Song Lyrics

Been months since the last call
Thanks to heavy rainfall
The leaves now fall

No more tears waterfall
Or tons lies to recall
You’re my ashfall

Let me flee from debris
You burned me alive
Those dark clouds in my mind
Thought you were so kind

In my mind
You were fine
Play those games behind
I was blind
Drunk in wine
What a summertime

Coda:
Summertime
Wasting time

Path to Peace: Acceptance

kontemplasi, Tulisan, Uncategorized, , ,

Hustling is the new lifestyle. People are obsessed with anything is possible that every problem has its solution. Some of us tend to suppress feelings and assured ourselves “No, I can handle this, as always.” Manipulating self to be tough and in control over things beyond our control.

As the world overglorify positive and growth mindset, negative emotion are perceived as cancer we need to get rid of it as soon as we feel them. Therefore, escapism is inevitable. People get drunk, overeating, impulsive online shopping, or simply endless scrolling on social media. Wishing that the void will vanish instantly.

Like positive emotion, negative emotion needs to be embraced and welcomed. Unfortunate fates happened for some reason and all we can do is sit and watch. Rather than denial, acceptance is more effortful. To let the storm happens without panicking and running away is challenging.

Not to mention constant insecurity due to people’s timeline in social media, this demands us that being happy is a life goal while being depressed and sad are considered toxic. In fact, people who tend to bottle up feelings would explode once they couldn’t bear it. Why bother piling up feelings when you can nurture them gradually and more healthily.

When my mom cried as she vented, I often asked “Aren’t you tired of crying?” She always answered, “It’s better to cry and feel it rather than hiding them. Pouring your feelings never hurts.”

Since that day, I welcome my slump days as I welcome my hyper enthusiastic days. As some say “No rainbow without rain”, I’d spent hours lying down or crying as I sing heartbreak songs though I can’t relate. The next day, I feel refreshed and ready to start the day. Some of my friends would watch sad series to trigger them crying and eventually let out what they need to release. You will have your own version.

There is no instant process in building self-acceptance, after all. Some attend webinars and trainings. Some simply read books and listen to podcasts. Some need to be introduced to misadventures and learn them by going through it. When one has accepted themselves, they would be aware of what’s good and bad for them. As I wrote this entry, I found a cute quote on Instagram, “Some people are like Ads, just skip them.”

Wasting energy on certain individuals would be in vain. Indeed, the process of learning our worth and accept what we experience is a long journey. After all, the worst enemy is ourselves. We can’t help wanting to control things we can’t control. We can’t help to please people in order to get validation. We can’t help to love someone we can’t have.

The question is: Are you willing to embrace them, or jumped into the same hollow?

Yuanfen

Song Lyrics

Verse 1:

The first time when we were calling
Never thought it’d be so sweet
Random jokes when we were rambling
Chemistry is even real

Pre-Chorus:
I wish it’s just fling
But why here it’s pounding?

Chorus:

I can’t deny this bond’s beyond the space
Oh isn’t strange to have a soul as our home?
In good times, and bad times
Cheering each other, despite the life threw curve balls
It’s okay to fall down, and then we rise

Verse 2:

Late night talks is never ending
You always said “Wait, I’m thinking”
“Are you okays?” when it was raining
Oh, it must be your mind reading


Tujuh Belas oleh Tulus

Uncategorized

Muda jiwa selamanya muda
Kisah kita abadi selamanya
Muda jiwa selamanya muda
Kisah kita abadi selamanya

Masihkah kau mengingat di saat kita masih tujuh belas
Waktu di mana tanggal-tanggal merah terasa sungguh meriah
Masihkah kau ingat cobaan terberat kita matematika
Masihkah engkau ingat lagu di radio yang merdu mengudara

Kita masih sebebas itu
Rasa takut yang tak pernah mengganggu
Batas naluri bahaya
Dulu tingginya lebihi logika

Hu-uuh
Hu-uuh-uh
Hu-uuh
Hu-uuh-uh

Putaran bumi dan waktu yang terus berjalan menempa kita
Walau kini kita terpisah, namun jiwaku tetap di sana

Di masa masih sebebas itu (Ooh di masa)
Rasa takut yang tak pernah mengganggu
Di masa naluri bahaya
Dulu tingginya lebihi logika

Hu-uuh
Hu-uuh-uh
Hu-uuh
Hu-uuh-uh

Muda kita selamanya muda
Kisah kita abadi selamanya

Kita masih sebebas itu (Kita masih sebebas itu)
Rasa takut yang tak pernah mengganggu
(Rasa takut yang tak pernah mengganggu)
Batas naluri bahaya
Dulu tingginya lebihi logika (Haaa)

Sederas apapun arus di hidupmu
Genggam terus kenangan tentang kita
Seberapa pun dewasa mengujimu
Takkan lebih dari yang engkau bisa
Dan kisah kita abadi untuk selama-lamanya

Home is not People

artikel, Tulisan, , ,

We’ve seen some quotes say “Home is a person,” or “You are my home and sanctuary.”

Is it though?

17-year-old me would agree so much to those remarks. Life with bunch of friends, teammates, and crushes. However, as I grew older, I finally learned that we cannot treat people as our home. Maybe some of you would assume, “Yeah, because they will leave anyway.”

That’s true somehow. However, not merely because they’re temporary. The fact that they are people–humans, that is the main reason.

Humans are dynamic. Well, most of us. We keep evolving, developing new habits, point of view and principles. Once we can’t keep up with those people we called ‘home’, distance develops, we could be disappointed, or the other way around.

I still remember one of Taylor Swift lyrics saying “You’re not my homeland anymore.” and thought it was poetic and tactful. With all due respect to her, I believe that a person or a group of people shouldn’t be our home.

If we attach our happiness based on somebody else, it eventually die out and we depend ourselves to our surrounding instead. We expect them to be some certain figures in our lives and when they don’t, we could become disappointed, sad, and even desperate. Similarly, when other people expect us to have certain characteristics and do not accept who we are, we become guilty or even worthless.

Today I read Desi Anwar’s book “The Art of Solitude” and in one of her essays, she said that it’s crucial for us to manage our attachment to things or people we love. And somehow, that’s valid.

In my point of view, there are two types of home in our lives. When we talk spiritually, God is always be our home. If you don’t believe Him, home can be someone in that mirror you see everyday. Someone who has been surviving until the very second you read this sentence. Home is yourself: flesh and soul. When the slogan “Love yourself” sounds really cliche and too positive, I’d say “Accept Yourself.” Accepting yourself that you have both strengths and flaws is precious and a key to go through this adulthood process. Each time you found out something new about yourself, embrace them instead of denying them. When you fall into slump, you may want to curse yourself, but remember that those bitter experience has built the new version of you who’re getting stronger and tougher.

And that what makes you stand up and survive, every single day.

Living with pain

Uncategorized

Broadside

By Caitlin Kelly

Some of you, I know, live with/in chronic pain. It’s exhausting and demoralizing and you measure your available energy in “spoons”, a word I learned from Twitter.

I have a severely arthritic right hip now, and it hurts whenever I do basically anything — get into the shower, roll over in bed, stand up. Like many people with arthritis it diminishes my appetite for exercise, which makes it worse. I just suck it up and rarely take painkillers. It is what it is. I have to bear the pain until I get the damn thing replaced.

I’m used to living in pain.

My husband has recently suffered a kidney stone whose 24/7 pain has been driving him mad.

But it’s been a real education for a man who has enjoyed superb health his entire life since childhood: no surgeries, broken bones or hospitalizations.

I’ve spent a lot…

View original post 754 more words

The Beauty of Forgiving

artikel, Tulisan,

Two weeks ago, my Twitter timeline is buzzing and I was wondering what’s happening. It appeared that one of male Korean singers was saying inappropriate term to his “best friend” and he basically insulted his own friend in a livestream by masking it as a joke.

Yesterday, the woman clarified that he came to talk to her and clarified everything. I was amazed the way she calmly explained and compromised with him. One thing that sticks in my mind up until now is the comment by a random user saying “not only smack, masukkan pala dia ke aquarium biar mulutnya gulugulu like a fish jika bacot tp abis itu janlup peluk dia ya mbak jam, he lost himself but still deserve the loves, isnt it?”

“He lost himself, but still deserve the loves, isn’t it?”

@fallforeaj

I found it appalling to admit someone’s behaviour is absolutely wrong, but also appreciating that he is still human and he is still worthy to love.

Recently, people are into categorising things called red flag or toxic individuals. Some quotes and articles bombardised that we need to avoid or even shut these people in our lives. In reality, we can’t meet pure and saint individual. Our friends, family, coworkers, neighbour, even ourselves have certain toxic traits and that makes us more human.

People make mistakes, but it doesn’t mean we need to shut them out forever. To forgive means an act of kindness to ourselves. To build our peace of mind. Not to forget them, but to live with it and accept.

Recently, it’s been difficult for me to forgive others and definitely to forgive myself.
Those nights when you can’t sleep and keep recreating scenarios you wish you could’ve done. Those “If I were___” keeps wandering in mind and those regretful feeling gets more intense.

We occasionally punish ourselves and others then forget that forgiveness is the key to free ourselves from those cages.

It’s only January, but I learned a lot already.

I finally began to understand that forgiveness is not actually for them, but for us to keep going and forget those shadows in the past.

As a sensitive person, I’ve been perceiving those mistreatment from other people as my worth and value. However, we shouldn’t put our value as other people do. We determine our worth, not them.

I hope those who read this understand, too.