Path to Peace: Acceptance

Hustling is the new lifestyle. People are obsessed with anything is possible that every problem has its solution. Some of us tend to suppress feelings and assured ourselves “No, I can handle this, as always.” Manipulating self to be tough and in control over things beyond our control.

As the world overglorify positive and growth mindset, negative emotion are perceived as cancer we need to get rid of it as soon as we feel them. Therefore, escapism is inevitable. People get drunk, overeating, impulsive online shopping, or simply endless scrolling on social media. Wishing that the void will vanish instantly.

Like positive emotion, negative emotion needs to be embraced and welcomed. Unfortunate fates happened for some reason and all we can do is sit and watch. Rather than denial, acceptance is more effortful. To let the storm happens without panicking and running away is challenging.

Not to mention constant insecurity due to people’s timeline in social media, this demands us that being happy is a life goal while being depressed and sad are considered toxic. In fact, people who tend to bottle up feelings would explode once they couldn’t bear it. Why bother piling up feelings when you can nurture them gradually and more healthily.

When my mom cried as she vented, I often asked “Aren’t you tired of crying?” She always answered, “It’s better to cry and feel it rather than hiding them. Pouring your feelings never hurts.”

Since that day, I welcome my slump days as I welcome my hyper enthusiastic days. As some say “No rainbow without rain”, I’d spent hours lying down or crying as I sing heartbreak songs though I can’t relate. The next day, I feel refreshed and ready to start the day. Some of my friends would watch sad series to trigger them crying and eventually let out what they need to release. You will have your own version.

There is no instant process in building self-acceptance, after all. Some attend webinars and trainings. Some simply read books and listen to podcasts. Some need to be introduced to misadventures and learn them by going through it. When one has accepted themselves, they would be aware of what’s good and bad for them. As I wrote this entry, I found a cute quote on Instagram, “Some people are like Ads, just skip them.”

Wasting energy on certain individuals would be in vain. Indeed, the process of learning our worth and accept what we experience is a long journey. After all, the worst enemy is ourselves. We can’t help wanting to control things we can’t control. We can’t help to please people in order to get validation. We can’t help to love someone we can’t have.

The question is: Are you willing to embrace them, or jumped into the same hollow?

Home is not People

We’ve seen some quotes say “Home is a person,” or “You are my home and sanctuary.”

Is it though?

17-year-old me would agree so much to those remarks. Life with bunch of friends, teammates, and crushes. However, as I grew older, I finally learned that we cannot treat people as our home. Maybe some of you would assume, “Yeah, because they will leave anyway.”

That’s true somehow. However, not merely because they’re temporary. The fact that they are people–humans, that is the main reason.

Humans are dynamic. Well, most of us. We keep evolving, developing new habits, point of view and principles. Once we can’t keep up with those people we called ‘home’, distance develops, we could be disappointed, or the other way around.

I still remember one of Taylor Swift lyrics saying “You’re not my homeland anymore.” and thought it was poetic and tactful. With all due respect to her, I believe that a person or a group of people shouldn’t be our home.

If we attach our happiness based on somebody else, it eventually die out and we depend ourselves to our surrounding instead. We expect them to be some certain figures in our lives and when they don’t, we could become disappointed, sad, and even desperate. Similarly, when other people expect us to have certain characteristics and do not accept who we are, we become guilty or even worthless.

Today I read Desi Anwar’s book “The Art of Solitude” and in one of her essays, she said that it’s crucial for us to manage our attachment to things or people we love. And somehow, that’s valid.

In my point of view, there are two types of home in our lives. When we talk spiritually, God is always be our home. If you don’t believe Him, home can be someone in that mirror you see everyday. Someone who has been surviving until the very second you read this sentence. Home is yourself: flesh and soul. When the slogan “Love yourself” sounds really cliche and too positive, I’d say “Accept Yourself.” Accepting yourself that you have both strengths and flaws is precious and a key to go through this adulthood process. Each time you found out something new about yourself, embrace them instead of denying them. When you fall into slump, you may want to curse yourself, but remember that those bitter experience has built the new version of you who’re getting stronger and tougher.

And that what makes you stand up and survive, every single day.